Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Met a cool trans guy named Aiden* through Fetlife; we’re going on a date the week after next if he can find the time. I actually like him a LOT– he’s like a cross between me and my best friend but even quirkier, which I didn’t think was possible but is quite a plus. I had a jealousy attack when I offered to show him pictures of me and the Boyfriend, and he said he had already found him on his own. But I guess that expresses interest, right?

*All names are changed to protect the guilty.

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I feel less jealous now that I know that most of Boyfriend’s sexual fantasies involve watching me with a woman. šŸ™‚ Sexualizing things just punches jealousy in the face.

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Wanna hear something cute? The Boyfriend and I met on OKCupid, and decided to take our relationship to the meatsphere once we figured out that he lived two doors down from my best friend in the dorms. Another of my partners was a friend who found out I was kinky and available when she stumbled across my profile on the site.

While this is not my preferred method for finding partners (I’ll explain in a subsequent post), it’s relatively reliable and often where people begin looking.

Here are my tips for OKC success:

  • Put up a good picture. This is a basic ingredient for success, because people trust you more when they can see your eyes (and they learn right off the bat that they’re attracted to you!).
  • Be honest. This is the second basic ingredient that every OKCupid profile needs, whether you’re poly or not.
  • List yourself as “available.” Many people will immediately rule you out for dating if you list yourself as “seeing someone” or “married,” because they assume you are cheating on a spouse or partner. I don’t blame them.
  • Somewhere in the beginning of your profile, mention that you are in an open/poly relationship (or whatever your preferred term is) so that monogamous people don’t end up being “led along.”
  • Get your partner(s) to make profiles too, and mention their usernames along with your relationship description, reminding people that they can go check out their pages as well. In my opinion, this spirit of family andĀ camaraderieĀ is an important thing to see for someone who might join you. It proves that you’re not just cheating on a partner, but that you engage in a positive and healthy lifestyle that benefits everyone involved.

Good luck! If you have any more tips (or need advice) leave me a comment and I’l get back to you ASAP!

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(This is based on a discussion I saw on Tumblr.)

Being transgender can put you in really unique, but often sticky, situations, because of your relationship with your own body. Many of us are really sensitive about the gendered characteristics of our bodies (like our genitals, chests, hips, etc), and this can pose a challenge to a partner who wants to, or was planning on, being able to touch and talk about those places. Obviously this is an important topic for transgender people and their partners to discuss: What is it okay for me to touch, and in what way? What is it okay for me to say and talk about? What activities are you comfortable with?

But what if you’re transgender and kinky? What if you’re transgender and a submissive, like me? I am constantly torn between my desire to give myself to Boyfriend completely, but that’s very hard when I constantly have to call “yellow” to remind him my chest is off-limits today. He makes an effort to make me feel masculine all the time, especially during sexual activity, but sometimes my dysphoria still gets the best of me. Obviously I don’t yet have a conclusive solution.

If you are dealing with this, how do you handle it?

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Posted: July 22, 2012 in polyamory
Tags: , ,

I’ve got to remember that I broke up with my last boyfriend so I could have sex with other people. Now I can have my cake and eat it too, so I have no reason to be jealous.

I know this because I’m a blogging addict. While we’re here, we may as well get some things out of the way, because as I said, I have a lot of adjectives.

What is polyamory?

Polyamory is the opposite of monogamy, which is in our culture the “default” system of two partners being emotionally and sexually involved only with each other. Polyamorous people, on the other hand, have multiple partners at once, with all partners consenting to this arrangement (meaning it’s not cheating). There are many ways to be polyamorous.

My boyfriend and I are in an open relationship, meaning we are each other’s primary partners, but we also branch out into other, slightly less committed relationships.

What does it mean to be kinky?

Kinky people engage or are interested in fetishes and BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and/or masochism). I am mainly a submissive, but sometimes like to try some sadism or dominance.

What the hell is pansexual?

While most people might describe me as bisexual, I prefer the term “pansexual,” meaning I have attractions to people of all genders (yes, there are more than two).

What does it mean to be transgender?

Transgender people feel a divide between the sex that they were assigned at birth, and the gender they feel themselves to be. So while everyone has thought of me my entire life as a girl, I am actually a guy. Please respect this and use only masculine words with me (he, him, his, guy, etc).

So what are you doing here?

People like me who engage in nontraditional sexual and gender behavior often get the short end of the stick, and can be reduced to feeling very alone and depressed. In addition to helping myself talk about and deal with some issues that may arise, I aim to help other people feel less lonely when they’re dealing with these issues.

Please, ask me anything in the comments, and I will make a post about it!