Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

Met a cool trans guy named Aiden* through Fetlife; we’re going on a date the week after next if he can find the time. I actually like him a LOT– he’s like a cross between me and my best friend but even quirkier, which I didn’t think was possible but is quite a plus. I had a jealousy attack when I offered to show him pictures of me and the Boyfriend, and he said he had already found him on his own. But I guess that expresses interest, right?

*All names are changed to protect the guilty.

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I feel less jealous now that I know that most of Boyfriend’s sexual fantasies involve watching me with a woman. šŸ™‚ Sexualizing things just punches jealousy in the face.

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Annie just made it clear, at the birthday party that we were at, that she is not really interested in pursuing anything with me and the Boyfriend, purely due to emotional tie-ups with other people. I told her that was fine, which it really is because I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable or obligated, but I really am sad about it. (I was drunk so either way she got a kiss on the cheek.)

I have such a hard time connecting emotionally with people, that even as close as I was with her (not very…) I still feel a great sense of loss. I respect her and really enjoy her company; she was the only person who understood my transness immediately, who could talk about social justice issues, who was really on the same level as me with a lot of things.

I think I might actually even love her, which is tough to deal with, especially since I kind of only realized it once the possibilities were cut off.

Besides this, I had a fun evening with Cassie and Deb and others (there was a cuddle puddle, lots of massages, riding crops, and alcohol involved), and I did get tied to a fence post (they untied me because a neighbor looked kind of freaked out, and we didn’t want anybody to call the cops) but overall I’m left feeling a little empty. Between being put in subspace like that and then just being let go, and the Annie thing, I’m just feeling kind of bruised.

Also, Annie was really the only partner we still had around. This disappoints me in a different way as well, because I was just starting to conquer my recent jealousy issues. Cassie, as I said in an earlier post, doesn’t seem to be very interested anymore: she will give me kisses, and apparently tie me up, but her attention span is short. Deb is complicated, because she’s in a monogamous relationship and I’m not sure how attracted I am to her anyways (though she is a great Domme). Evangeline, who I haven’t yet mentioned, has graduated and lives 80 miles away, in my home-city. While she may come to visit, we can’t be as close anymore as we once were. I have a slight interest in two male friends, but honestly, I’m not really attracted to guys and no man can compare to my Boyfriend in bed anyways. One just discovered the Dom in him at our party, but I still don’t think I’m going to actually pursue anything. I’ve had enough men…

You could say I feel cast adrift, almost. College is an ideal atmosphere for these sorts of relationships, but now that Boyfriend has graduated, it’s more up to me to be the flirt. This is terrifying, because he was always my wing-man.

Well, we’ll see what happens won’t we, blogosphere?

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Image representing OkCupid as depicted in Crun...

Image via CrunchBase

Wanna hear something cute? The Boyfriend and I met on OKCupid, and decided to take our relationship to the meatsphere once we figured out that he lived two doors down from my best friend in the dorms. Another of my partners was a friend who found out I was kinky and available when she stumbled across my profile on the site.

While this is not my preferred method for finding partners (I’ll explain in a subsequent post), it’s relatively reliable and often where people begin looking.

Here are my tips for OKC success:

  • Put up a good picture. This is a basic ingredient for success, because people trust you more when they can see your eyes (and they learn right off the bat that they’re attracted to you!).
  • Be honest. This is the second basic ingredient that every OKCupid profile needs, whether you’re poly or not.
  • List yourself as “available.” Many people will immediately rule you out for dating if you list yourself as “seeing someone” or “married,” because they assume you are cheating on a spouse or partner. I don’t blame them.
  • Somewhere in the beginning of your profile, mention that you are in an open/poly relationship (or whatever your preferred term is) so that monogamous people don’t end up being “led along.”
  • Get your partner(s) to make profiles too, and mention their usernames along with your relationship description, reminding people that they can go check out their pages as well. In my opinion, this spirit of family andĀ camaraderieĀ is an important thing to see for someone who might join you. It proves that you’re not just cheating on a partner, but that you engage in a positive and healthy lifestyle that benefits everyone involved.

Good luck! If you have any more tips (or need advice) leave me a comment and I’l get back to you ASAP!

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  • Polyamory large

    Polyamory large (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    It might just be a natural part of you and the way you relate to others, like sexual orientation, and you shouldn’t deny a part of yourself.

  • Polyamory is about multiplying love and joy. The more opportunities you give yourself to love someone, the more love you will have in your life. And how can that be a bad thing?
  • It allows you to always be true to yourself and your emotions. Everybody has had interests in people that they couldn’t admit to their partners, and instead of shaming yourself for these natural feelings and hiding them, you get to explore them.
  • Different partners have different things to offer. My first foray into poly was with the admission that I was bisexual, and had never had a female partner. Boyfriend thought that was a shame, and here we are!
  • Everybody has something to teach you about yourself. Whether they are a romantic partner, a sexual partner, or just a friend, everyone has a reason to be in your life. This way, you can explore relationships to their utmost potential.
  • Everybody has something to teach you about sex. The more diverse sexual partners you have, the more creative you will be, and the better you will be able to cater to other partners’ needs.
  • You won’t be lonely when one partner is busy at work or out of town.

What are the pros of polyamory for you? Let me know in a comment!

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Posted: July 22, 2012 in polyamory
Tags: , ,

I’ve got to remember that I broke up with my last boyfriend so I could have sex with other people. Now I can have my cake and eat it too, so I have no reason to be jealous.

7/21/12

Posted: July 22, 2012 in polyamory
Tags: ,

Just a quiet day at the beach today.

One person present was our old partner, Cassie. I say old because we haven’t been together sexually in a while; I think she’s moved onto other things, but I’m not sure what. She has this perplexing habit of pecking me on the lips or cheek, but only in front of other people. We’ll be with a group and I’ll get hello kisses, goodbye kisses, silly kisses, apology kisses, etc, but when we hang out alone watching a movie or something, we’re on opposite ends of the couch. I know she has great affection for me and everything, but it still confuses me.

Another friend there was Deb, who I kissed once at a party. I like her a lot (she’s adorable and I know Boyfriend is really attracted to her too) but I don’t think I’d do it again: she was a terrible kisser and I had a bad feeling that she was just trying to show off to her exboyfriend (who is one of my closest friends). But either way, she gave us both scritches and we made fun of straight, monogamous people together. As mostly platonic as that was, it was nice that me and Boyfriend were getting pretty equal attention.

I know that constantly striving for “equality” can really complicate a poly relationship, because it’s really impossible and everybody has different needs anyway, but until I get back to that point, it’s nice to feel really included while also getting some compersion for Boyfriend. I’m making baby steps. Soon I’ll get back to the point of not even needing “equality.”

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