Posts Tagged ‘Alternative Lifestyles’

Many poly arrangements begin with two people in a “traditional” relationship who have very modern ways of thinking, and therefore decide to branch out. However, this kind of transition can be tough and hard to navigate. As somebody who’s done it, let me give you some advice on how to open up an existing relationship to new partners.

 

English: Polyamory contingent at San Francisco...

English: Polyamory contingent at San Francisco Pride 2004. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

  1. Communicate. Discuss what each of you want from this undertaking. Ask each other questions like: Why do you want to do this? What kind of partners are you looking for? What kind of relationship do you want with these partners? What are your boundaries and hard limits? What sort of relationship structure would be best for you?
  2. Be serious. Using polyamory as an excuse to cheat is not okay. If you are earnest about the poly philosophy and using it to benefit everyone involved, then you should proceed.
  3. Pick new partners together. Whether you are considering a triangle arrangement or not, it may help both partners ease into the lifestyle if you make the partner selection process into teamwork. That way, everyone feels comfortable, included, and maybe even excited!
  4. Learn to deal with jealousy. It WILL happen, and everybody has different methods of dealing with it. Try talking with your partner about it and asking for reassurance, and if that doesn’t help, arrange to go out with friends while your partner is on a date so you don’t feel lonely or left out. (I’ll make sure to write another post exploring this issue.)
  5. COMMUNICATE. Never stop asking yourself and your partner(s) questions, and always listen to the answers.

If anybody else has input, feel free to leave a comment!

 

 

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  • Polyamory large

    Polyamory large (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    It might just be a natural part of you and the way you relate to others, like sexual orientation, and you shouldn’t deny a part of yourself.

  • Polyamory is about multiplying love and joy. The more opportunities you give yourself to love someone, the more love you will have in your life. And how can that be a bad thing?
  • It allows you to always be true to yourself and your emotions. Everybody has had interests in people that they couldn’t admit to their partners, and instead of shaming yourself for these natural feelings and hiding them, you get to explore them.
  • Different partners have different things to offer. My first foray into poly was with the admission that I was bisexual, and had never had a female partner. Boyfriend thought that was a shame, and here we are!
  • Everybody has something to teach you about yourself. Whether they are a romantic partner, a sexual partner, or just a friend, everyone has a reason to be in your life. This way, you can explore relationships to their utmost potential.
  • Everybody has something to teach you about sex. The more diverse sexual partners you have, the more creative you will be, and the better you will be able to cater to other partners’ needs.
  • You won’t be lonely when one partner is busy at work or out of town.

What are the pros of polyamory for you? Let me know in a comment!

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I know this because I’m a blogging addict. While we’re here, we may as well get some things out of the way, because as I said, I have a lot of adjectives.

What is polyamory?

Polyamory is the opposite of monogamy, which is in our culture the “default” system of two partners being emotionally and sexually involved only with each other. Polyamorous people, on the other hand, have multiple partners at once, with all partners consenting to this arrangement (meaning it’s not cheating). There are many ways to be polyamorous.

My boyfriend and I are in an open relationship, meaning we are each other’s primary partners, but we also branch out into other, slightly less committed relationships.

What does it mean to be kinky?

Kinky people engage or are interested in fetishes and BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and/or masochism). I am mainly a submissive, but sometimes like to try some sadism or dominance.

What the hell is pansexual?

While most people might describe me as bisexual, I prefer the term “pansexual,” meaning I have attractions to people of all genders (yes, there are more than two).

What does it mean to be transgender?

Transgender people feel a divide between the sex that they were assigned at birth, and the gender they feel themselves to be. So while everyone has thought of me my entire life as a girl, I am actually a guy. Please respect this and use only masculine words with me (he, him, his, guy, etc).

So what are you doing here?

People like me who engage in nontraditional sexual and gender behavior often get the short end of the stick, and can be reduced to feeling very alone and depressed. In addition to helping myself talk about and deal with some issues that may arise, I aim to help other people feel less lonely when they’re dealing with these issues.

Please, ask me anything in the comments, and I will make a post about it!