7/20/12: Positive Polyamorous Moments

Posted: July 21, 2012 in polyamory, transgender
Tags: , , , , ,

I made this blog in part to help myself (and be helped by the internet at large) to help me deal with some strange jealousy issues that have popped up recently, so I’m also going to make sure to record those poly moments that make me feel warm and fuzzy.

Today (technically yesterday; it’s 4AM and I haven’t gone to bed because I’ve been awake talking with the Boyfriend) I had some really positive moments. We were throwing a birthday party for our transgender friend Serena. She never had a real girlhood (this was her first birthday party!) so we were making it up to her with all this stereotypical girl stuff she loves. I bought her a doll, some makeup, and some chocolate, and also gave her a dress that had been given to me. Watching her day be made by these things and the care we put into her party was certainly a very positive and fuzzy moment (although not a poly one).

The only other guest in attendance at the party was my sometime-partner, Annie (all names are changed to protect the guilty). She is this beautiful willowy Victorian goth girl, and also one of the most intelligent, graceful, and loving people I know. However, I do sometimes find her frustrating because she very seldom STATES any of her feelings in a way that makes me feel comfortable acting upon them (whereas I am frank to a fault). I also have a real problem getting close to women and not being nervous around them (partially because of my gender issues, and partially because I am WAY more attracted to women than men). I mean, I SHOULD feel close to Annie, since she took a fistful of hair and pumped my head up and down as I blew Boyfriend’s cock, but yknow, I am kind of weird about some things.

Annie also happens to be a make-up artist. Serena can’t do her own makeup because she can’t see, so I applied her lip gloss and Annie volunteered to do her eye-shadow, and then sat back, stating that mascara was more complicated, apparently unwilling to try it. Though I know literally nothing about make-up, and have never worn it in day-to-day life, I valiantly picked up the wand and dabbed on a light coat, managing to not poke anybody’s eyes out. Like a champ.

I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but I may have seen admiration in her eyes, in addition to just general flirtatiousness. The way she looked at me during that whole interaction made it obvious to me that she is very interested in me and liked the way I treat Serena, which is comforting because I am a stubbornly oblivious lump. I’m sure next time we hang out I’ll go further with her. (P.S. She also likes to make bukkake jokes in reference to me. I don’t understand how someone so ladylike can be SO UNLADYLIKE, but I love it.)

When I like to flatter myself, I admit that I have a really big heart. It’s partially due to all my own adjectives that have required acceptance from others over the years, and partially due to growing up with an autistic little brother. I like to think that not only am I accepting of diversity, but I think it’s fucking awesome, and I try to make freaks like me feel as badass as possible, all of the time.

So yeah, confidence boost!

  1. […] 7/20/12: Positive Polyamorous Moments (polypuppy.wordpress.com) […]

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